I am so surprised i made it this far, honestly, given my low self esteem, I never thought i would have made it this far. This year i will not have many friends. Mainly because they all graduated. But also because i do not want to be stabbed in the back as the line between friend and foe has been blurred due to an accumulation of recent events..

In other news. i will no longer allow you to dictate how I feel. I will strive to be the happy person I've always dreamed of. Because i will be damned if anyone brings my boat down but myself. And if you no longer would like to speak to me. Then fuck it. from now on i will make no more effort to incorporate you in my life because I'm a teenager. Its pretty much mandated that i have to be self centered. And according to Sam, i have to stop trying to please everyone else.

I know im a bad writer, but i hope that im getting my point across.
From here on out, Im living for myself.























































Fuckit, I cant help but also living for my friends<3

"Hey cutie lemme eat yo hashbrowns!" HAHA


Im trying to think of somethinf to post. It hard cause usually i bitch about my problems on here, but like has been sailing so smoothly th past few weeks theres nothing could really complain about. Well actually im kinda disappointed in myself for being quiet when i wasn't supposed to ahah. But anyways. nothing in my life is really that eventful. I'm happy that i am happy. and i am super happy that my friends are happy! aww Golden Lion+Silver Seal.. Purple Penguin+Grey Wolf ahahah you guys all make me soo giddy!!

I can breath again :]

I tried to convince myself there was still hope in us.
























I really am trying to feel it. really really really.




and yes this is about you.
Because i genuinely miss you.

I try and be the friend. I try, I really do. However one has no idea of how hard the process of friendship is when these feeling for you get in the way. I’m trying hard not to say anything that will obviously point out who I am talking about. But, unfortunately, that too is hard when my lungs just want to scream how I’m feel. I keep fooling myself that it is still a possibility, I keep doing it... but each time I’m sadly disproven.
I step back and I look at the big picture. I almost laugh as i realize that you are too good for me. Entirely too amazing for me. But the way that you made me feel. I felt so close to home. so close to home....
And really I'm jealous. Jealous of all the people that have the ability to catch your eye. It hurts because you don’t know you really don’t.


But i guess its alright.You are happy after-all.

And just to clear any confusion. This post is not about you because I know you will think that it is.

"you do fuck up the people around you."

I've moved on, and looking back on it, it was the best decision I every made.
Can someone that used to be so seemingly perfect really turn out to be a complete and utter sham? Honestly the whole time i tried to turn the other cheek. Your a fake, along with your friends <- interperate that as you want but you know both meanings are true. So yeah, your pathetic. I'm happy now. :]

Im not alone in this world like i thought i would be.




I still have my backbone.

T.K

i told the young one.


Im no good.



And that she should get away as soon as she can.


<3

So, I fucking love my life... sometimes. haha so the past few weeks have been a flurry of bad and good decisions. I don't know where to start... hmm well I'm sober now, no alcohol, no weed. just cigarettes. and inside I'm truly a mess. My friends are almost nonexistent. I don't know how to feel, as one of my closest friends is obviously spiraling. i can see it, hes going crazy......i dont feel a thing, i wish i could go crazy about his situation itself.... but the only way i can worry is by thinking about how im not worrying...how peculiar... It seems i have been forgotten by the world. At one point in my life i felt that the world was me. everything i did was so fucking great. at one point i could write, i could draw, i used to write song, i used to speak i used to listen,i used to fucking care... I thinki even my girlfriend has noticed it..I'm not doing so great.. My grades are falling, my relationship, my family, my trust.... i dont know. i dont know.. I want to have my old life. The one where i used to smile so much. where everyone loved me. before i became the monster i am to day, bullying kids, looking for fights.
You know what i see when i look in the mirror? A tired, tired boy. a boy thats sick of changing, a boy that doesn't want to make everyone happy anymore. I just want to be happy.. just like the old me.. just like 2005 when friendships were something more than the occasional phone call. when relationships consisted of failed attempts to sway the opposite sex. when i was really, truely happy with my social standings. before i had enemies. before i have done stuff i regret, before i hurt people..
Maybe its just me. But i feel like no one is happy with me anymore. Maybe everyone has realized what a burnout i really am.... how pathetic i really am.
maybe thats what drove her away. but hey at least she was brutally honest about it...


Bottom line. Am I mad about it? no
Happy about it? Fuck no
Does it Hurt? Fuck yeah





But i shouldnt complain.... it probably was my fault...

Love always, Tom

I would totally fucking shoot myself.

Oh livejournal i'm sorry ive just been bithcing in you lately.haha

Fuck i need a life.


Well anyways, life has progressed pleasantly the past three weeks. Though me and Lily have gone through the usual ups and downs like any other teenage romance im soo happy that were on an extremely good note! I love you booby :3.
These past weeks have been nice. ive made some new friends who, in a very short amount of time, ive grown rather fond of. Its like ive known these niggers forever. haha go check larry and nathan's band out! www.myspace.com/fataux

Speeking of friendships it feels like ive grown closer to someone that i already thought i was close to:]
BFFILY!!!
and lily bug:] oohh lily im so haapy you liked my valentines stuff :D

ok so last week i saw pierce the veil at Soma, honestly the show was Ok at best. i really wasnt feeling the other bands and PTV's set seemed really short :[ haha.


last night i went to clairmont. i wish i had more money so i could buy boba. and larry took me to the super secret place where MAH practices that was interesting. and uhh that is all.. im sorry i wish i was more eventfull <3
T.K

I had a dream about my mom. She seemed happy which made me happy. I couldnt help but cry in my dream. I just kept thinking about my grandpa. I miss him so much.....

I am a nerd..



my life has been consumed by starcraft...



and unfortunately...The world...


The world of warcraft....






o and of course the lily:]

Fuck with me.

I'll fuck your life up.


Back the fuck up bitches.

Tatay, Im not doing so great right now. I miss you. i Need some guidance it would be so great if you could just tell me one more story of how you grew up. Please. This is so hard. Why did you have to leave? You were so....so... so alive, this house seems so empty without you across the hallway watching tv. I feel so unsafe without you, you meant so much to me. i love you tatay, i miss you, please visit me in my dreams tonight, i so desprately want to see your face.


i miss you

i miss you

did you know i miss you....





-tom

well, since i last logged on lots has happened.
-i got my lovely little macbook<3
-my grades came in good
-Gramps die...I love you i seriously do.
-I mourned
-I cried
-I learned some harmonica.
-I broke up with her.
-I got back with her
-I established som friendships.
-I saw My American heart for the 3rd time.
-Larry Vitas kicked me in a the face again.
-I got high
-I got drunk
-Im starting to write again.
-Im beggining to fill my old skin again.
-I'm starting to feel a lot more Tom like.
- i disapoint myself.
-i bought lily xmas gifts
-macbook
-macbook
-macbook
happy new year!


oh, and im a world of warcraft fag now -_-


,love always tom.

I know it shouldnt...



But it jurts like hell knowing that your talking to them again...

I want my baby back.

An agreement was made, I feel a tide of change acomin'. Hopefully once again i will be able to meet the girl that treated me so well in Freshman year. :]

Initially I figured that a love life would be a positive, joyful experience. But how is that to be when a relationship such as mine is plagued with dishonesty and lies. I fear that my heart is far to unstable to instill any trust in a person who i barely know anymore? How can I continue a love with a person who clearly is not the person I initially fell in love with. Could it be the sex?
No,
it can't be... On account of i have not experienced that in a long time.
Maybe the gravitation that i feel is compelling me not to leave you is that of my longing for a significant other.Or maybe it is a result of pity for you. Or maybe what I may be experiencing is a deep love that i feel for you. Its hard to say just yet.

Whats safe to say is:
-I Love you for the most part, However i hate the person you become sometimes. Its as if you have an anthropomorphic personality that             changes when you want to be pity.
-Being with you is a double edged sword. You provide me with immense happieness, and a stressful state of being.

For now i am stuck here sitting in a dark room stained in a blue light coming from this bright computer screen, pondering whats the next move, hoping like hell that it will be the right move.




I'm sick of this steaming pile of Bullshit, I refuse to change, and if you aren't the sweet little girl i fell in love with anytime soon, I'm afraid I'm Done.







And so in a rage, Lily said, "You emotionally unstable piece of shit" *click*

Well shit, it seems you finally get me.